THE MEANING OF SEX IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
It is important to have a realistic understanding of the nature of your relationship with your sexual partner. A restored erection is no guarantee of improvement in a relationship that may be suffering emotionally, nor is erectile function the key to romance or monogamy. Rick’s response to having ED, living with it, and finding a treatment for it provides one real-life example. At thirty-nine, he was a successful commercial photographer. Divorced, he liked a life where models posed for
him during the day and succumbed to his considerable charms at night. Having a monogamous relationship was the last thing on his mind when ED brought him to my office.
“You know what it is?” he asked me, grinning slyly. “Too many women, that’s what. They’ve just worn me out.”
“How long have they been ‘wearing’ you down?” I wanted to know.
Looking at me sheepishly, he answered truthfully. “It’s been six
months.”
“What happened back then?”
Thinking for a moment, Rick said, “I never considered it before, but it’s when I started having insomnia. It’s something I’ve had off and on for years, but recently it’s been awful. What’s really terrible is that I’m awake so much of the time—and I can’t use it to have sex.”
“So you were satisfied with your sex life the way it was?” I asked.
“Sure, what was not to like? I had a lot of women. I loved it—it was the way I dreamed of life being when I was a teenager.”
“Then sex was the most important part of your relationship with those women?”
“What relationship? We slept together; that’s what I wanted. It’s what they wanted, too.” Then he added, “Well, most of them. Sometimes they hinted that they wanted more; but by that time I was ready to move on anyway. But I didn’t think they had anything to complain about. After all, ‘satisfaction guaranteed’ was my motto.”
After telling Rick about the oral medications available to him he was, to say the least, ecstatic. “I can be a man again,” he said. “I don’t have to feel lousy anymore.”
Rick’s story makes it clear that, for him, sex is basically a mutually satisfying recreational activity. Consider his comments:
• he was satisfied with his sex life prior to the onset of ED and happy with his frequent partnerings
• sex was the core of his limited relationships
• he had no relationship aspirations, nor did he wish for a long-term relationship with anyone
• the thought of a renewed, invigorated sex life was all that he yearned for
• he had no inclination to change his emotional lifestyle
• he intended to continue his pre-ED sex life because it worked for him
What the medication could do was restore Rick to his pre-ED life, which was precisely what he wanted. Having been married and divorced, for the time being Rick was perfectly content with the level of intimacy he achieved during his sexual encounters. In his case, limited safe sex was the extent of the relationship he sought with a partner. Once restored, he felt that his life was again complete. “Life couldn’t be better,” he said. “Between the great ladies I get to meet and share some good loving with, and the wonderful family and friends that I have, what more could I want?”
*61\183\8*
